Parental Advisor Pillows

"Stop telling me how well you did on the written."

"I won't know the price until mom comes back from the market."

"My Mom thinks I should clean my room. I'd like a second opinion."

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

Icarus, you are not flying anywhere until you put on some sunscreen.

"Oh, don't jump. But at least learn to code."

'Principal Smith, this is a parent of a student in your school. I'd like to discuss my son's grades. Is this a good time?'

'Mom, I know all about the birds and the bees, it's the girls and the boys that bugs me.'

Mom's The Boss

'I may not be able to smack you, but it won't stop the 'Bogie Man' coming to get you if you are naughty !'

'Mom, of course I could be the father of her child! When that pollen starts spreading all over the place, who knows where it could land?'

"I've been a child psychologist for twenty years. Based on my experience, and several sessions with your son, I believe what is needed is a swift swat on his rump!"

"Can I can go to a party?"

Warring parents

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'I wasn't playing hooky -- I was fleeing the deteriorating public school system.'

"Hold it right there! Our legislature is currently considering new measures to protect children from the insidious ravages of cell phones in schools!"

"It's all significantly less impressive once you realize these guys had free child care."

"...some of these tadpoles may not be yours."

'I'm not sure if it's the programs or the commercials, but one is supposed to be a lot worse than the other.'

Son, it's time you grew some legs and moved out.

Soccer Moms

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

'My mom just explained babies to me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a bird and you're a bee.'

"The news lady says this bad guy was charged with assault...but he didn't have rifle. How's that possible?!"

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

Kid reader to librarian about 'Parenting' book: 'This didn't tell me anything about how to deal with parents.'

Wow, you're right! Your mom's regurgitated worms are way better than my mom's!

'My mother made me apply.'

The Supreme Court, Juvenile Divisio: "As usual, the obvious precedent for this case is the children v. Mommy."

'You look down, son. You wanna rock about it?'

Before birds and bees,

'I don't mind them, but I would like to see my daughter getting married to one of them!'

A Victorian park.