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Parents for dummies.

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

'What's play?'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"Is there a vegan option?"

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

I love my family!

Growth Charts

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"Migration? I love chasing the endless summer, but travelling such distances with kids is exhausting..."

Playing Mozart to the baby.

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

'You the one who called Amnesty International?'

Toddler Feeding Solutions

"You're developing a nice, rich compost down here."

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

"Be afraid to try new things!"

The AdRams Family no.13 - Exams

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

Crying baby

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

Parent Involvement Tip #1

Lemming mothers

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."