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Dummies for Dummies.

'Soon he will stop asking where he came from and start telling you where he is going.'

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"I told you not to touch it. I should've used your language and told you not to click on it."

"Be afraid to try new things!"

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

Ask your mother computer.

(Preschool for Dummies)

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

He's crying again. Should he see a therapist?

Exam Room.

Boss

"Better safe than sorry, son."

'I'm getting a little concerned about Timmy. He hasn't wormed his way out of anything all semester.'

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'

"Hahahaha! Oh, you are hilarious! Help you with your math homework … hahahaha!"

'My mother made me apply.'

Before birds and bees,

"My day? Don't even get me started!"

Promise me, Alex, that you'll find work in the fields or factories, and won't follow your father into the data mines.

'Did you feel that??'

'Your stork story got me to thinking, Dad -- wouldn't it be simpler if people just did it like dogs and cats do?'

"You're not going out dressed like that!"

"Brad? This is your congressman. Get Mommy on the phone, please."

"And don't take that tone with me, mister!"

'No, the Patriot Act doesn't make it all right for you to read your sister's diary!'

"My teacher noticed you weren't at parent-teacher night . She wanted to ask why I never take an interest in anything."

"Ten more minutes of media manipulation, then it's off to bed."

Come to my party

"Dad, remember how you bungled the Lorton account?"

Now, my son, visualize yourself removing your diaper and sitting on the potty