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'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Be afraid to try new things!"

Dummies for Dummies.

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"And you call yourself a marsupial?"

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

(Preschool for Dummies)

He's crying again. Should he see a therapist?

Ask your mother computer.

Exam Room.

Son, it's time you grew some legs and moved out.

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

"Better safe than sorry, son."

'My mom just explained babies to me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a bird and you're a bee.'

'I'm getting a little concerned about Timmy. He hasn't wormed his way out of anything all semester.'

"Your inability to turn off your critical voice, combined with your fear of disappointing your overbearing, demanding father, is causing you to lose faith in your fastball."

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'

'Soon he will stop asking where he came from and start telling you where he is going.'

"Hahahaha! Oh, you are hilarious! Help you with your math homework … hahahaha!"

"Go ask your mother."

'No, the Patriot Act doesn't make it all right for you to read your sister's diary!'

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

"And don't take that tone with me, mister!"

"Aaack! How did an unscheduled hour get on your calendar? This will not look good on your college application."

Promise me, Alex, that you'll find work in the fields or factories, and won't follow your father into the data mines.

"It's my baby sister's. She leaked when we got her, and we've been trying to fix her ever since."

"Sorry, son. . . You're not getting the keys to the car until you show me you're mature enough to bring it back completely totaled."

"If it's important to you, Jessica. It's important to daddy, but I don't think it's important to you."

"My day? Don't even get me started!"

"And I suppose if your friends all jumped off a cliff you'd follow right along?"

"My teacher noticed you weren't at parent-teacher night . She wanted to ask why I never take an interest in anything."

"Ten more minutes of media manipulation, then it's off to bed."