Parental Advice Collector Gifts

"Look, Alice, if you're unhappy with your life, just do what I do: whisper you wants and needs into a cloth napkin, then crumple it up and put it in your lap."

'He never listened to his mother!'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'If your parents want you excused from tomorrow's film on pollination, you'll need a note from home.'

Son, it's time you grew some legs and moved out.

(Preschool for Dummies)

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

'Except...That.'

young mother with a baby being bombarded by advice on parenting from older mothers

'My mom just explained babies to me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a bird and you're a bee.'

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

'I don't mind them, but I would like to see my daughter getting married to one of them!'

A Victorian park.

'Any worldly advice?' 'Yep. Don't get up too quickly.'

"Sorry, son. . . You're not getting the keys to the car until you show me you're mature enough to bring it back completely totaled."

"And I suppose if your friends all jumped off a cliff you'd follow right along?"

"Don't make me come over there."

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

"I'm confused....you always say not to take candy from strangers, but tonight you tell me to go to strangers and ask for candy!"

‘Sat too close to the TV;’ ‘Stared at the Sun For an Hour,’ ‘Put Out My Eye With a BB Gun.’

$200,000 to raise a kid in America! Do you regret the expense? Of course not, sweetie! You're worth every cent. That's a relief. Because I need $20 for the movies!

"Oi you two! What going on in here?"

'Son it's time to talk birds and bees; birds and bees have never successfully mated. And that's all you need to know about interspecies sex.'

"I don't have a story, Tommy. I can offer a retrospective of your day, followed by a deep-dive to identify opportunities for improvement."

'You gotta try different things! Sometimes a temper tantrum works best an' somethimes sulking an' sometimes not eating!'

"Baldo, school has always been about learning, expanding your mind, becoming a better person."

Hints for the Park.

'Come on Timmy, you must eat your greens.'

"You're getting older now. We need to discuss the Pterodactyles and the bees."

'People must be crazy to pay to hear a lecture! I get 'em free at home every day!'

Researching Life's Deepest Questions! How do I keep tabs on my daughter's internet use? How do I block my mother online?

"I've said it until I'm blue in the face - keep sitting on walls and something bad's going to happen. But what do I know? I'm just your mother."

'Now that I'm old enough to watch these TV shows without parental supervision, they don't interest me.'