Parental Concern Enthusiast Pillows

A father and his daughter anxiously prepare for her first date.

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

Growth Charts

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Baby, baby maker

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Early childhood development

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"Be afraid to try new things!"

Crying baby

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

"My first Father's day!"

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"Ouch. . . Aaaargh!!. . . Stop it!. . . "

Dad waiting for baby to be born.

Parenting magazines.

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

Mother: 'He has your eyes.'

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

Husband and Child in Pram

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.