Parental Involvement Enthusiast Pillows

"Dad's helping me with my homework. Where do we keep the aspirin?"

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

Growth Charts

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Crying baby

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Baby, baby maker

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"Be afraid to try new things!"

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

"My first Father's day!"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

Antiwar Democrats Get Tough

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"Ouch. . . Aaaargh!!. . . Stop it!. . . "

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

Dad waiting for baby to be born.

Parenting magazines.

Mother: 'He has your eyes.'

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

Husband and Child in Pram

"You just wait tilll your father gets home!!"

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.