Parental Support Enthusiast Pillows

'I think Mummy's depressed again.'

'I won't meet your demands for an allowance increase, so maybe you should become a free agent.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

Growth Charts

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Crying baby

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"Be afraid to try new things!"

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

"My first Father's day!"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

"Ouch. . . Aaaargh!!. . . Stop it!. . . "

Husband and Child in Pram

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

Parenting magazines.

'My parents only said 'don't accept rides from strangers,' but I'm the one asking to go with YOU.'

Mother: 'He has your eyes.'

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

'It's good, Timmy, but it's not refrigerator good.'