Proud Parent Enthusiast Pillows

My child is an honor student at Glasslicker Elementary School.

'He's about to destroy his first city and you're in a meeting?'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Cry babies.

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

Impressing dad.

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Children's artwork exhibition.

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

Suffering from Cooties?

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

Growth Charts

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

I love my family!

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'She posted her first blog today.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

"We're so proud. Only 5 months old and already knows how to scroll and swipe."

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

'Dear, Junior ate his first house today!'