The Overwhelmed Parent Gifts

I used to run every day. But lately its just been a rack for my clothes.

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"I know, but all promises are off when Daddy's writing his grant proposals."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"My wife is about to have a baby, so I was wondering if you could make me work late for the next eighteen years or so."

Baby on Board, Mother on Edge.

"How are you getting on with your new baby?"

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

'We need a dog!'

'I couldn't find any box filler so I shredded those tax documents on your desk.'

"Here comes the airplane--once it gets clearance from the tower, which should be in another 45 minutes. Thank you for your patience."

'It's ironic really. We love kids most when they are unconscious!'

"Gosh, before you know it they'll be all grown up and making poor decisions that you can't comment on or ever make peace with!"

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

'Who's gonna stay here and do my homework?'

"You mind if I sit here and yammer on while my kid does whatever he wants?"

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

"But MOM, between school, homework, sports and music lessons, I don't have time for time-outs anymore!"

State Prison Child Care

'Please excuse my mother, this is my first interview.'

'Whoever said practice makes perfect never had kids with drum sets.'

I'm late. Nothing you can say will convince me to drive you to school. O.K. Slam!

'For God's sake, Tom, just let her cry - I can't stand your singing any longer.'

After years of shuttling teenagers around, Gina started hallucinating that she was morphing into a Chrysler minivan.

'I appreciate your wanting me to do a stress test but what do you think I'm going through right now?'

“Worst. Playdate. Ever.”

'You must've really been tired last night. You put the diaper on the dog.'

Push me! Mom! Well? I'm waiting! The Little Engine Whose Parents Did Everything For Him.

'It works better than the pacifier.'

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

"Sometimes I wish I could clone myself."

Three favourite words: Back to school.