Exhausted Parents Gifts

"There is no 'snooze button'. Get up, it's your turn to see to the baby!"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"I know, but all promises are off when Daddy's writing his grant proposals."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'I couldn't find any box filler so I shredded those tax documents on your desk.'

'We need a dog!'

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."

"How are you getting on with your new baby?"

"Here comes the airplane--once it gets clearance from the tower, which should be in another 45 minutes. Thank you for your patience."

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

'It's ironic really. We love kids most when they are unconscious!'

"You mind if I sit here and yammer on while my kid does whatever he wants?"

'Either switch off his batteries or take 'em out!'

'Who's gonna stay here and do my homework?'

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

"But MOM, between school, homework, sports and music lessons, I don't have time for time-outs anymore!"

'First thing in the morning I'm ringing the school about the amount of homework he's getting.'

'Whoever said practice makes perfect never had kids with drum sets.'

"Dad, I'm thirsty again!"

"I'd be happy if I got half the attention and was half as clever as my kids' smartphones."

"It's either "Bring your kid to work" day or it's "Drop of handbag in kindergarten" day today?"

'For God's sake, Tom, just let her cry - I can't stand your singing any longer.'

'I appreciate your wanting me to do a stress test but what do you think I'm going through right now?'

“Worst. Playdate. Ever.”

'You must've really been tired last night. You put the diaper on the dog.'