Exhausted Parents Pillows

"There is no 'snooze button'. Get up, it's your turn to see to the baby!"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

We tried rocking her to sleep, but she still seems tired and cranky.

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

That's my daughter, Alayna

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"I know, but all promises are off when Daddy's writing his grant proposals."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

'I couldn't find any box filler so I shredded those tax documents on your desk.'

'We need a dog!'

"How are you getting on with your new baby?"

"Here comes the airplane--once it gets clearance from the tower, which should be in another 45 minutes. Thank you for your patience."

'It's ironic really. We love kids most when they are unconscious!'

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

"You mind if I sit here and yammer on while my kid does whatever he wants?"

'Who's gonna stay here and do my homework?'

'Either switch off his batteries or take 'em out!'

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

"But MOM, between school, homework, sports and music lessons, I don't have time for time-outs anymore!"

'First thing in the morning I'm ringing the school about the amount of homework he's getting.'

'Whoever said practice makes perfect never had kids with drum sets.'

"It's either "Bring your kid to work" day or it's "Drop of handbag in kindergarten" day today?"

"I'd be happy if I got half the attention and was half as clever as my kids' smartphones."

I'm late. Nothing you can say will convince me to drive you to school. O.K. Slam!

'For God's sake, Tom, just let her cry - I can't stand your singing any longer.'

"Dad, I'm thirsty again!"

After years of shuttling teenagers around, Gina started hallucinating that she was morphing into a Chrysler minivan.

'I appreciate your wanting me to do a stress test but what do you think I'm going through right now?'

“Worst. Playdate. Ever.”

'It works better than the pacifier.'

I used to run every day. But lately its just been a rack for my clothes.