Overworked Parent Pillows

"Sometimes I wish I could clone myself."

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

"JB wears many hats. He just can't delegate"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

'I'm a work-at-home dad.'

"I know, but all promises are off when Daddy's writing his grant proposals."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

Man running from desk: 'I can't seem to get away from my work lately.'

"How are you getting on with your new baby?"

'I couldn't find any box filler so I shredded those tax documents on your desk.'

'We need a dog!'

'How did our summer vacation turn intoa summer job??'

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

"I think we need to spend more time with the children...how many have we got?"

'It's your husband. The baby won't burp for him.'

'When I want to watch a realistic comedy about a working mom, I'll look in the mirror.'

"Here comes the airplane--once it gets clearance from the tower, which should be in another 45 minutes. Thank you for your patience."

"Our training on managing a work life balance is running late so you'll need to get someone to pick your kids up."

'It's ironic really. We love kids most when they are unconscious!'

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

"Lemme guess: You forgot the basil Mom asked for, and my ice cream is in your briefcase?"

'Who's gonna stay here and do my homework?'

"Tough time getting out of the house this morning?"

"You mind if I sit here and yammer on while my kid does whatever he wants?"

'Sorry dear, I have to go straight to work tomorrow.'

"But MOM, between school, homework, sports and music lessons, I don't have time for time-outs anymore!"

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

'Alert the troops I'm going back to work.'

'Please excuse my mother, this is my first interview.'

"Daddy, I'm all grown up now, and I'm leaving to start a life of my own."

'Whoever said practice makes perfect never had kids with drum sets.'