Exhausted Parent Pillows

'Whoever said practice makes perfect never had kids with drum sets.'

"How are you getting on with your new baby?"

After years of shuttling teenagers around, Gina started hallucinating that she was morphing into a Chrysler minivan.

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

We tried rocking her to sleep, but she still seems tired and cranky.

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

That's my daughter, Alayna

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."

Parenting is... watching them sleep.

'It's ironic really. We love kids most when they are unconscious!'

'Either switch off his batteries or take 'em out!'

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

"But MOM, between school, homework, sports and music lessons, I don't have time for time-outs anymore!"

'First thing in the morning I'm ringing the school about the amount of homework he's getting.'

"It's either "Bring your kid to work" day or it's "Drop of handbag in kindergarten" day today?"

'For God's sake, Tom, just let her cry - I can't stand your singing any longer.'

"I'd be happy if I got half the attention and was half as clever as my kids' smartphones."

"Dad, I'm thirsty again!"

"Sometimes I wish I could clone myself."

I used to run every day. But lately its just been a rack for my clothes.

'You must've really been tired last night. You put the diaper on the dog.'

'I appreciate your wanting me to do a stress test but what do you think I'm going through right now?'

'That little fella has quite a burp on him!'

'Our eggs should stay nice and warm in the hot sand: Let's go for a swim...'

'Shouldn't you be out in line...'

"There is no 'snooze button'. Get up, it's your turn to see to the baby!"

"Is he asleep?"

'I'm introducing a new system of speeding up the housekeeping chores.'

Mother drinking Gin before going into kid's party.

Low battery. 10% of battery remaining

'Stop complaining. It's the only way you can afford to live in the school catchment area.'

Triple Witching Hour in Apartment 3-K.

'Mum's half asleep again!'

'I'm worried about her Doc! She's too pooped to shop!'