Tired Parents Gifts

'It's ironic really. We love kids most when they are unconscious!'

'You must've really been tired last night. You put the diaper on the dog.'

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

Lawyer's baby first word: whiplash!

"I know, but all promises are off when Daddy's writing his grant proposals."

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

"How are you getting on with your new baby?"

"I'm not against having more children, I'd just like to finish with this one first."

"Do you really use all of the stuff on this school supply list?"

'We need a dog!'

'I couldn't find any box filler so I shredded those tax documents on your desk.'

"Here comes the airplane--once it gets clearance from the tower, which should be in another 45 minutes. Thank you for your patience."

"Oh please, go on, just for the weekend."

Mind them while I go shopping and I'll give you 50 bucks extra!

"You mind if I sit here and yammer on while my kid does whatever he wants?"

'Either switch off his batteries or take 'em out!'

'Who's gonna stay here and do my homework?'

"At first it was difficult having a new baby. But now I'm doing fine!"

"But MOM, between school, homework, sports and music lessons, I don't have time for time-outs anymore!"

'Whoever said practice makes perfect never had kids with drum sets.'

'For God's sake, Tom, just let her cry - I can't stand your singing any longer.'

"I'd be happy if I got half the attention and was half as clever as my kids' smartphones."

"Dad, I'm thirsty again!"

"It's either "Bring your kid to work" day or it's "Drop of handbag in kindergarten" day today?"

'Wait a minute...what am I doing? I can't count yet.'

“Worst. Playdate. Ever.”

"Sometimes I wish I could clone myself."

'It works better than the pacifier.'