Anxious Parent Gifts

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

The Anxious School Drop Off

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

Overprotection

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

Trust

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'I'm sorry, but I haven't understood a word you've babbled since I turned left on red.'

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

"Is your dog going to rip our heads off … I mean, friendly?"

"And this will protect him from distemper."

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

A pet cage wrapped in chains make the other customers in the waiting room nervous,

'Mom's really nervous because I've been good for too long.'

"Your wife wants a report on your condition."

'I appreciate your wanting me to do a stress test but what do you think I'm going through right now?'

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

Parent-Teacher Conferences: 'The bad news is your son failed every test I gave this term. The good news is that we know he's not abusing any mind-expanding drugs.'

"We hate being stuck indoors because of seasonal allergies, so it's a relief when we can blame it on a dangerous fugitive."

Uncertain Future

I have two teenagers that text!

Father afraid of daughters VAT inspector boyfriend

"Mom, is this lunch supplying me with the recommended daily allowance of microplastics?"

'I'm worried he might be dyslexic!'

"I just hope that's not our babysitter..."

School Lunches and Childhood Obesity.