Parental Anxieties Gifts

Father afraid of daughters VAT inspector boyfriend

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

'The suspense is killing us. Which one is our grandchild?'

Polly, want a cracker, but Polly need a glass of wine.

Trust

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'I'm sorry, but I haven't understood a word you've babbled since I turned left on red.'

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

'Oh, for heaven's sake. Ethan's having another growth spurt.'

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

"You see it as half full, I see his diaper as half empty."

"And this will protect him from distemper."

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

A pet cage wrapped in chains make the other customers in the waiting room nervous,

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

'I appreciate your wanting me to do a stress test but what do you think I'm going through right now?'

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

"Your wife wants a report on your condition."

"Little Jimmy's at the difficult age where he's grown up."

Parent-Teacher Conferences: 'The bad news is your son failed every test I gave this term. The good news is that we know he's not abusing any mind-expanding drugs.'

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

The Anxious School Drop Off

Uncertain Future

What's the latest on the school cyber-spying on students? Did the webcams show kids doing, um, bad stuff? What do you think? Slam! Maybe we could use a webcam! Personally? I'd rather not know what our kids are doing!

I have two teenagers that text!

"Mom, is this lunch supplying me with the recommended daily allowance of microplastics?"

"We hate being stuck indoors because of seasonal allergies, so it's a relief when we can blame it on a dangerous fugitive."

'I'm worried he might be dyslexic!'

"I just hope that's not our babysitter..."