Anxious Parent Mugs

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

The Anxious School Drop Off

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

Overprotection

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

Trust

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

"The economy doesn’t make me half as nervous as my kids do."

'I'm sorry, but I haven't understood a word you've babbled since I turned left on red.'

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

"And this will protect him from distemper."

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

"Is your dog going to rip our heads off … I mean, friendly?"

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

A pet cage wrapped in chains make the other customers in the waiting room nervous,

I used to run every day. But lately its just been a rack for my clothes.

'I appreciate your wanting me to do a stress test but what do you think I'm going through right now?'

"Your wife wants a report on your condition."

'Mom's really nervous because I've been good for too long.'

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

Parent-Teacher Conferences: 'The bad news is your son failed every test I gave this term. The good news is that we know he's not abusing any mind-expanding drugs.'

"We hate being stuck indoors because of seasonal allergies, so it's a relief when we can blame it on a dangerous fugitive."

What's the latest on the school cyber-spying on students? Did the webcams show kids doing, um, bad stuff? What do you think? Slam! Maybe we could use a webcam! Personally? I'd rather not know what our kids are doing!

Uncertain Future

I have two teenagers that text!

"Mom, is this lunch supplying me with the recommended daily allowance of microplastics?"

Father afraid of daughters VAT inspector boyfriend

'I'm worried he might be dyslexic!'