Frustrated Spouse Humor Gifts

'What seems to be the problem?'

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"So, what you're telling me is: I have unusually high negatives for a third-year husband..."

'Great sermon, Reverend! Too bad my husband couldn't stay awake to hear it.'

"I love what you've done with him."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"This new system is too complex...pass it on."

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"Let's take in a trial."

"You say that I love the Liverpool football team more than I love you?...."

"You know you're getting old when you need a hearing aid to hear your bones creak."

'The rain must have made our garage shrink...'

'Is that computer, down there, the one you were having problems with?'

'I've been offered early retirement but my wife won't let me take it.'

'I do wish you'd use the study when you work from home.'

'My interest in gardening backfired when I married a couch potato.'

"That's O.K., I'll go—'m dressed."

'This always seems to happen on your night to cook.'

"Every time I think we've sorted our marriage problems out, he comes home again!"

Music Quiz

'Cheers, it's worth the domestic hassle.'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'I wish to lose all excess weight.'

'How was I to know that you don't like Marzipan?'

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

"I don't like this hot dish."

'They're like ice! You're like a giant vampire bat sucking the warmth out of me!'

Roach Motel

'My, doesn't time fly? I can hardly believe it's been a year since you last forgot our anniversary!'

'This is my new husband Gregory -- I don't quite have all the bugs out of him yet.'

'I don't mind him smoking in bed. . .But not herrings.'

"You've been ages,dear-but never mind I've been patiently waiting in the pub accross the road!"

'I should have listened to my mother. . . when she said you were immature.'

Your nose used to light up and buzz when I touched you.

"Where has the magic gone, George?"