Longtime Partner Gifts

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"Ooooooh, just what I wanted!"

Reading the sports pages.

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

"I'll bet there's a story there."

'Silly thing, of course I still find you repulsive.'

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

"We should never have committed binary fission!"

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

"I hunt, she gathers, but we always get together for cocktails at five."

"Are you still mad at me?" "Mentally I'm storming off right now."

"Martin, did we ever get our freak on?"

"Of course you don't look anything like your reflection in the mirror."

"We've been married 32 years. How can you possibly still be in beta?"

'I feel like I just don't know you anymore, Richard!'

Dead Silence: a restaurant for married people

Assisted Living.

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"There ya go. Cushion rot from farting into the same old chair for 40 years"

"Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks. George changed the toilet roll yesterday!"

"Synchronized sitting"

"Have you noticed how blatant sex is everywhere in the culture but here?"

"What did we throw at our problems before we had Money?"