Long-term Companions Gifts

'I feel like I just don't know you anymore, Richard!'

Others will fight for you

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

"Ooooooh, just what I wanted!"

Reading the sports pages.

"I'll have another Rob Roy and a cup of coffee for my friend here."

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"We don't have sex any more, we argue about money and you hate my mother. We should be married."

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"I hope you don't call that a party face."

"I'll bet there's a story there."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

'Silly thing, of course I still find you repulsive.'

"Happy anniversary, Clare. How'd you make it so many years?" "Figured it wasn't worth the prison time."

"We should never have committed binary fission!"

"Stop undressing me with your eyes."

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"It's chirp, chirp, chirp time again, isn't it?"

"Yes, you've taught me a thing or two - but over twenty-plus years that's not much."

"Are you still mad at me?" "Mentally I'm storming off right now."

"I hunt, she gathers, but we always get together for cocktails at five."

"Martin, did we ever get our freak on?"

"We've been married 32 years. How can you possibly still be in beta?"

"I should have had him put into a more manageable format years ago."

"If I'm your best friend, how come you never offer me a beer?"

"Well, we can eat out, order in, or just sit here and let our bodies slowly gnaw away at our muscle tissue."

"You've become very predictable, Jack - home every night!"

"Of course you don't look anything like your reflection in the mirror."

"Of course I've had some wonderful times since we've been married. Mostly, while you were at work."

Dead Silence: a restaurant for married people