Long-time Friends Gifts

"Nope. Sometimes I drink water just to confuse my liver."

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

"So much for loyalty! Fifty years under the same roof. . . and at the first sign of a pandemic, they turf ole sneezy out on his backside!"

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

7 Dwarves of Retirement

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

Mime Baby

Tongue in the ear...

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"You're right, they are statins."

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

'Silly thing, of course I still find you repulsive.'

Pensioners run riot on mobility scooters.

Remember when?... When was that?

'So much for the great UNKNOWN campground.'

'Yes, old friend, we've traveled a long road, made a lot of stops, scooped up a lot of poop...'

"Same old crowd."

Who's Dead

'We,ve still got it,Fred-it's a pity they don't want it anymore!'

"Believe me, I didn't amass a billion dollar fortune just to impress you. But... it does, right?"

"Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How are you?"

The Witch Sisters Fmaily Picture

"Can you play with him for a while? His battery died."

'Well, as I live and breathe. If it isn't Rex Harris! I thought you were extinct.'

"Yesterday I got in touch with a childhood friend!"

"It's only the Ericksons, so why don't you just use the recalled hamburger meat."

"Ha ha. You tell that one in every lifetime. Ha ha. It never gets old."

"Back in my day there weren't any delivery trucks, distribution centers and fancy computers! We just hopped door-to-door until our feet bled!"

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

Dead Silence: a restaurant for married people