Friend From High School Gifts

"Look! Isn't that your old flame from high school?"

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

Big Rock University. Guidance Counselor. I'd like to switch my major from hunting to gathering!

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

"I've decided to major in engineering...college loan debt restructuring."

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

"I got the highest grade in the class, except the giraffe."

"When you sit down, you get a shock. Open a book, you get a shock. Write something, another shock. It's a typical psychology class."

"I love college."

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'

Balding eagle looking back through his yearbook.

Campus Library. How was your Russian poetry class? Rhyme and punishment.

Awesome. Now let's try this with bottles.

"'I'm checking my answers."

'I see you're still copying from other people's papers, Billy.'

Yakademic: An academic who has been describing their research since they were asked about it over 20 minutes ago.

''My Summer Vacation †the Untold Story'....'

'I'd invite you in, but I'm way too young to settle for less.'

"Before I start the test, Ms. Masten....May I say you've never looked lovelier!"

'Quick! Name the capitol of North Dakota! What is an isosceles triangle? How high is mount everest? Think! You did study, didn't you, young man?'

"I'd like to extend a special welcome to those of you who are joining us for the first time, as part of a nightmare you're having."