Friend From High School Gifts

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

"I've decided to major in engineering...college loan debt restructuring."

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

"I love college."

"I got the highest grade in the class, except the giraffe."

"When you sit down, you get a shock. Open a book, you get a shock. Write something, another shock. It's a typical psychology class."

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

Awesome. Now let's try this with bottles.

Balding eagle looking back through his yearbook.

"'I'm checking my answers."

Yakademic: An academic who has been describing their research since they were asked about it over 20 minutes ago.

'I see you're still copying from other people's papers, Billy.'

'I'd invite you in, but I'm way too young to settle for less.'

"Before I start the test, Ms. Masten....May I say you've never looked lovelier!"

''My Summer Vacation †the Untold Story'....'

"I'd like to extend a special welcome to those of you who are joining us for the first time, as part of a nightmare you're having."

"I think it's unquestionably the finest letter you've ever written to the 'Yale Alumni Magazine.'"