High School Friend Gifts

'Remember when you wrote, 'Let's keep in touch' in my yearbook? Well here I am.'

"I liked you better as a distant memory."

"I'm a junior who got held back a year. Can I still get a senior ticket?"

Errol J. of Trumbull, Iowa, still has the same friends he had in high school

"Oh great, it's the two biggest losers from my high school."

'Hello, Ed Johnson. I haven't seen you since we were in high school together. Welcome to Forgetters Anonymous.Have we met?' 'Maybe.'

Cronies reunited.

"This is my friend Estella."

"Sorry, Michael, but no dodge balls past this point."

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'At least he isn't into drugs.'

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'You have failed on all counts...'

"The first day of school. Yes sir. A day to make new friends. A day to mark new beginnings. A day to discover everyone but you has grown three feet over the summer."

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"I've decided to major in engineering...college loan debt restructuring."

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

'Sorry I'm late - I couldn't stop doing things with it!'

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

"IBS isn't all bad. It was largely responsible for me winning 6 sprinting medals in college track."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

"I love college."

"I got the highest grade in the class, except the giraffe."

Enrollment limited to college varsity athletes.

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'

"Baldo, we need to talk."

"When you sit down, you get a shock. Open a book, you get a shock. Write something, another shock. It's a typical psychology class."

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

'At first his nose ring irritated me, but then I made him tie a string to it. Now I can lead him around.'