Schoolmates T-Shirts

I'm Googling a couple of old uni mates.

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

Yearbook

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

'Kids, today, Xerf brought in a planet that he found. Now if we look at it closely under the microscope, you can still see it's inhabitants scrambling around.'

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'I need to read five books this weekend to graduate - any suggestions?'

'Hey, man, cool shirt.'

"We've invented a new word!"

"This is the fourth student who bubbled in Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E when I told the class to 'bubble in your name'!"

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

Buddhist photo albums,

"You're using the boogeyman as an excuse to shut me out."

"Miss, I suck at playing the flute."

'Remember me, Fred? I sat next to you in class and you said I'd never amount to anything.'

'Where Are They Now?'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'Thank you for not guessing.'