Rural Living Aficionado Gifts

"So, when did you guys get a bidet?"

You know we were talking about death and 'going to a better place..'?

"Still tastes like grass."

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

Please Drove Carefully.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

'I'm collecting manure for my strawberries.' The woman says, 'I always put cream and sugar on mine.'

"Static cling."

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

'Leadership training.'

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

'...doomed...from here...to eter...nity...'

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

Twitter that!

"You're famous, Angus."

LAST-MINUTE CAMPAIGN STOP

'Yes, we have a very diversified economy around here.'

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

FREE-RANGE CIRCUIT TRAINING

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

'Cows have bells because their horns don't work.'

"Ok Lassie, cut out the smart arse bit and just herd the sheep."

Modern Calamities. Farmer in the Dell. Do something Maw

Mummy?!

'This is cow country, pal, and we're not real big on innovation.'

Boy, this stuff's hard to swallow!

"I like friut flies!"

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

A cow on a drip.

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

The physics of the situation had Jed confused. The cow had merely ambled onto the haystack, so was clearly not a leapt-on Yet at the same time, it clearly was a moo-on.

'Now, just repeat the injections three times daily and avoid any stress.'

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'My practice is limited to small animals, Sir....'

I've been doing sit-ups!