Rural Living Aficionado T-Shirts

"So, when did you guys get a bidet?"

You know we were talking about death and 'going to a better place..'?

"Still tastes like grass."

Please Drove Carefully.

'I'm collecting manure for my strawberries.' The woman says, 'I always put cream and sugar on mine.'

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

"Static cling."

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

'...doomed...from here...to eter...nity...'

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

"You're famous, Angus."

LAST-MINUTE CAMPAIGN STOP

'Yes, we have a very diversified economy around here.'

FREE-RANGE CIRCUIT TRAINING

'Cows have bells because their horns don't work.'

'This is cow country, pal, and we're not real big on innovation.'

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

"Ok Lassie, cut out the smart arse bit and just herd the sheep."

Mummy?!

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

Boy, this stuff's hard to swallow!

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

"I like friut flies!"

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

A cow on a drip.

'Now, just repeat the injections three times daily and avoid any stress.'

The physics of the situation had Jed confused. The cow had merely ambled onto the haystack, so was clearly not a leapt-on Yet at the same time, it clearly was a moo-on.

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

I've been doing sit-ups!

'My practice is limited to small animals, Sir....'

'Why should I be scared? I'm not a crow...'

"Quick! Get your gun, Pa! Here come the suburbs."

'I told her not to follow me!'