Rural Life Enthusiast Gifts

"Your shepherd, Louie, has retired. I'm Mr. Smathers. I will be your grazing-resource coördinator and flock welfare-and-security manager."

"I'd better get a hit country song out of growing up this way."

Next Rural Healthcare 300 Miles.

'My practice is limited to small animals, Sir....'

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

'If they're not hunter-gatherers, and they're not seed planters, what in thunder ARE they?'

'That's old Doc Reinow! Forty years practicing...

'Why don't you try to think outside of the trough once in a while?'

"I dunno how many sheep I've got. When I try to count 'em I fall asleep..!"

My other arse is J-Lo's

The American Farmer - a dying breed.

'I come from a long line of Sunday roasts...'

over crowded car.

Ethanol profits are down.

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

"Sweet! He upgraded with a cup holder!"

"That was my doctor...he says I need to start an exercise program...but I've never exercise a day in my life. As a youngster, I was too busy washing my family's clothes, feeding the chickens, tending the garden..."

Anyone seen my horns?

Slow, Men at Work.

"It's been a struggle for Carlos to adjust to rural life, but now he's finally been accepted as the village idiot."

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

Tobacco Farmers.

How farmers are made...

Man hides a bottle of alcohol in a bale of hay.

'Wilbur, I'm afraid the patient is no longer in stable condition.'

A Countryman Selling a Dog.

A farmer and his workers

Our campus alarms alert our 24-hour security force! They are SWAT team trained! I can see the need. There's the SWAT team now!

Errol J. of Trumbull, Iowa, still has the same friends he had in high school

"Did you yip? I heard a yip … you’re sure you didn’t just yip?"

"Welcome to Randolph, Vermont. Don't even think of relocating here!"

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

Please Drove Carefully.

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Lamb Noise.