Retiree At Heart Gifts

"Come on, be a sport! The cliffs are lined with kids and bus-loads of retirees: let's give them a breaching display to remember!"

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

"Death coach..."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

Best Scapegoat

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

Senior PGA Moment.

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Relax - we're retired, we don't have any teeth.'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

"I want to quit, spend more time with my family, finish grade 3....."

Someone loses his pension.

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

The Great Pyramid of Geezers

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'

"It really was a no-brainer, selling drilling rights at the North Pole."

"Trust me, you don't want this job."