Nostalgic Retiree Gifts

'Oh, retirement is okay, I guess, but I miss looking forward to the weekends.'

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

"String ... you mean it doesn't have a remote controller to operate it?"

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"Honey! Where are my lucky Incredible Hulk board meeting socks?!?"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Oh to be young and in love and wear things cut on the bias."

"We're airship people, not mega-airship people."

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

'It's one of these new phones that takes photographs.'

Before the Internet

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Photographer Phone: 'Okay everybody, SMILE!'

Teddy bear with a red balloon.

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

"The following film has been formatted to fir the screen of the newer and more expensive television set."

'Bring out yer books!'

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"I made you a mixtape."

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'I don't care what the Hares have. Dial-Up is good enough for us!'

"Tell me again, Grandpa, about how you let your freak flag fly."

Instructions for Bow Tie Wearers

'Jerry's 'old school'.'

"Here's to non-electric sharpeners."

"We have a song, but neither of us can remember it."