Reflective Retiree Gifts

'I'm writing my diaries.' 'Neither am I.'

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Best Scapegoat

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

The Final Selfie

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

"Death coach..."

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

Vista Acres - A tanned community.

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

Senior PGA Moment.

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'Relax - we're retired, we don't have any teeth.'

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Something tells me asking him to delay his retirement may be futile.'

Someone loses his pension.

"I want to quit, spend more time with my family, finish grade 3....."

The Great Pyramid of Geezers