Retired Individual Gifts

"I told you we should have voted for Clinton."

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Happy Retirement

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

"Death coach..."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

Best Scapegoat

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

Old veteran walking in sun casting a giant shadow as a young soldier

Despite Having Given Up His Veterinary Practice George liked To Keep His Hand In...

Tattoos sagging with time

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)