Retired Individual Gifts

"I told you we should have voted for Clinton."

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I grew sick of Madison Avenue,so I quit,bought the bar and never looked back.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Happy Retirement

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

"Death coach..."

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

Best Scapegoat

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

Old veteran walking in sun casting a giant shadow as a young soldier

Despite Having Given Up His Veterinary Practice George liked To Keep His Hand In...

Tattoos sagging with time