Retired Employee Gifts

"After 35 years of Diligent service...management present you with this award." -MUG

Happy Retirement

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

"Death coach..."

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

Best Scapegoat

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

Despite Having Given Up His Veterinary Practice George liked To Keep His Hand In...

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)

Senior PGA Moment.

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'Relax - we're retired, we don't have any teeth.'