Retired Employee Gifts

"After 35 years of Diligent service...management present you with this award." -MUG

Happy Retirement

In my career I went as far as middle management. I climbed a corporate but it was a step ladder.

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I grew sick of Madison Avenue,so I quit,bought the bar and never looked back.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Best Scapegoat

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"Death coach..."

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

Despite Having Given Up His Veterinary Practice George liked To Keep His Hand In...

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

Senior PGA Moment.

"I just learned that my golden parachute was not properly packed."