Retired Personnel Gifts

"I'm retired now - since I sold my 'know when you're naughty or nice' technology to NSA last year."

Taggers rest retirement village

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'I grew sick of Madison Avenue,so I quit,bought the bar and never looked back.'

Happy Retirement

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

"Death coach..."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

Best Scapegoat

Old veteran walking in sun casting a giant shadow as a young soldier

Despite Having Given Up His Veterinary Practice George liked To Keep His Hand In...

Tattoos sagging with time

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'