Retired Professional Gifts

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

"How long have you been with our firm, Dad?"

"And another thing. When they start telling you 'You've still got it,' you don't."

"You're over 50. While we appreciate your past contributions, we need to put them behind us and move on."

"...There can be no exceptions to mandatory retirement..."

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

"We'll go for a nice space-walk later on."

End of career sale.

TONIGHT: LECTURE BY WISE MAN OF THE EAST, 'Just some retired old Geezer from New Jersey!'

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

Delusions of Retirement.

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

'When the poor dear retired, he found that he missed his little cubicle,'

'I'm shooting for early retirement, opening a small restaurant, building it into a chain, and the - early retirement again.'

Next exit...COACH RACHETretired: 'Stop by for a good ass chewin'!'

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"I am retired now, but I was an accountant for 35 years 8 months 16 days 14 hours 26 minutes and 34 seconds."

Angela Merkel's Retirement

'Not only do we have a great retirement program, our employees age more quickly.'

"After working at a desk for 40 years, Charlie never really wanted a man cave."

"I was married to that job for forty years. . . only to have it run off with a younger man!"

'I'm afraid I'm in for some dull retirement years.'

'I see the SAGA talent scouts are here.'

"I can't give you a golden handshake, Perkins, but I'll wave you a fond farewell from my office window."

Seeing the company had replaced his old desk, John took it as one more hint they wanted him to retire.

Dick Cheney Now

'I retired from politics to spend more time with my family, and they didn't RECOGNIZE me.'

'He's only been retired a week, but little by little Durwood is learning to relax...'

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

"...but after they hired Vanna White instead of me things really got interesting."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

Happy retirement, Ponsford - and try and resist the temptation to drop in and see us anytime.

"O.K., I'll explain it one more time. Sometimes even very successful careers come to an end, and you have to teach the things you were once paid to do in order to make rent."

"I don't want to retire. I want to spend more time with the family."