Retirees Gifts

He was forced to take early retirement.

"I've crunched the numbers in your retirement account. It's time to figure out who will be wearing the mask and who will be driving the getaway car."

"He was just a year away from retirement."

It seems rather late to be taking out a retirement pension. I suggest you start doing the lottery instead.

"He's taking a phased retirement. Now he just huffs."

'I'm having my leaving do now as I'll be too old to party by the time I retire'

"They threw a surprise retirement party at work... It was for me!"

'Not now Kato!'

'What am I doing? Well, I'd planned on going to the office and goofing off...then I remembered I'm retired.'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'I'm going to love having me in Haiti.'

"Congratulations on your retirement, Simmons. . ."

"Just because you're retired doesn't mean you get to sit around all day drinking beer and eating peanuts...!"

...When are you going to make your retirement official?

Retirement Presentation - Please think again, my wife doesn't want me home all day.

'Social security benefits are raising ... but the system's runnin' out of bread.'

'Sorry Darling, I ran out of things to burn.'

"In recognition of your long service, we'd like you to have this clock you've had your eye on since you walked in here all those years ago."

It doesn't reflect poorly on us. We're going gangbusters. We're vibrant. And spicy, like jalapenos. We are fresh as the Kennedys in 1950s springtime!! Wrinkle-free!! Let's jump rope. I would most certainly enjoy hang gliding. What's going on with the geezers? The LK Effect. What? Ever since Larry King announced his retirement, they've been overcompensating. But first a nap. With vigor. I'll retire when they pull the microphone from my dead ... zzzzz.

"Good game."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Lady of the Cake.

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Not that net!'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"