Retired People Gifts

My company just cut our pension plan. I can help with that, m'lady. I'm Recession Man! You can bring back our pension? I can bring you lots of back rubs. Can you at least kick the tar out of the executives who cut our retirement benefits? Lady, I'm a lover, not a fighter. Batman! I hate to talk about another superhero, but he doesn't bathe. The Adventures of Recession Man.

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'I grew sick of Madison Avenue,so I quit,bought the bar and never looked back.'

Happy Retirement

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

Best Scapegoat

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"Death coach..."

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

Old veteran walking in sun casting a giant shadow as a young soldier

Despite Having Given Up His Veterinary Practice George liked To Keep His Hand In...

Tattoos sagging with time

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)