Retiree Gifts

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

"Right now, I'm between naps."

"I rolled my pension over and over and over, and now I have no idea where the hell it is."

"Sure, I had a retirement plan. Stop going to work"

'There's nothing wrong with entering magazine sweepstakes - but have you folks considered any other retirement plans?'

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

'I'm semi-retired.'

"The only problem I see here is that most of us plan to be out of here in three years."

'Recently retired, Janet Moo-ray not only discovers the grass isn't greener on the other side...it requires a lot of mowing.'

"If I apply for early Social Security, I get this. If I wait until I only have one life left, I get this."

Happy Retirement!

'The strange thing is it started out as a blueprint for a retirement plan.'

"Since I retired, I've been doing some part-time consulting for a younger predators' group."

Baby Boomers and Benefits.

'The best part of growing old is not having to invest for the long term.'

'I know I retired just last week, Mr. Hartwell, but could I have my job back? My wife fired me.'

'We're transferring you to our Final Straw pension scheme.'

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

"Congratulations on your 50 years with the company - we'll miss you, Parker."

'All I can say is, I didn't have all this arthritis and lumbago back when Nixon was President!'

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)

'I'll do half of it.'

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

"I've worked for the company for 40 years..."

"As requested, we're going to go over you retirement fund, so, if at all possible, let's hold questions until I have finished and I'm out in the parking lot starting my car."

Bad times for retirees.

'I hear they're putting you out to pasture.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'Early retirement...I had pictured that differently!!!'

'I've been at this for over 30 years now...'

Senior PGA Moment.

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

'This urn contains the ashes of all my annual performance reviews. They gave it to me in lieu of a gold watch, when I filed for retirement. Management said money is tight.'

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."