Active Retiree Gifts

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"I used to love power, but now I'm more interested in mileage."

Pilot with champagne.

Two old superheroes on a park bench feeding the birds.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"He was just hanging about in the shed, so I had him repurposed."

"Since being semi-retired everything I do is half-assed."

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

"Kindergarten, first grade,second grade, third grade...when do we get to retire?"

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

Church Basement Foodie

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"No more swinging from tree to tree! Now I take the bus and I even get a senior discount!"

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

'I'll see your diuretic and raise you three anti-depressants.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Happy Retirement

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"Death coach..."

'I'm fighting ageing.'

“Typical, first we lost our winter fuel payment, and now our woolly jumpers!”

Best Scapegoat

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'I don't want this job. I worked all my life and retired. I like being retired.'

'You'll have to excuse Gerald - he suffers from Seasonal Affected Disorder' (Naked man in arm chair in living room)

Senior PGA Moment.

'Relax - we're retired, we don't have any teeth.'