Retired Military Gifts

Old veteran walking in sun casting a giant shadow as a young soldier

Tattoos sagging with time

"An impressive resume, General, but remember - department-store security is different from national security."

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

Old Man Boot Camp: 'Hoist those trousers up higher...'

Grandad ! Stop that - you retired from the tank corps 45 years ago!

'I think it's about time McFergle retired -- he remembers the Lusitania.'

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

Military Medals

'I was in a camouflage unit, so this one is for Hide and Seek.'

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

Monuments

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"That's my dad back when he was, like, militarized."

Veterans Day '20

Veterans Day US

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'Walter isn't truly happy unless he's bombing some country.'

"I'm retired now - since I sold my 'know when you're naughty or nice' technology to NSA last year."

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'Son...old soldiers don't die...they just get medal fatigue.'

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

Fridge Magnets/Military Medals

'This one is for keeping all the other ones so neatly arranged.'

The Grim map of Iraq.

"So, Gilbert was your friend who fought in Vietnam?"

'I had a good day. Raised everybody's blood pressure.'

'I'm going to love having me in Haiti.'

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

"He was just a year away from retirement."

'Not now Kato!'

404 British military deaths in Afghanistan.

"Just because you're retired doesn't mean you get to sit around all day drinking beer and eating peanuts...!"