Military Retiree Gifts

"Oh, he's pretty depressed - he's the only retired general the networks haven't called."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

Military Medals

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

'I was in a camouflage unit, so this one is for Hide and Seek.'

'This one is for serving 27 years in the military without anyone finding out I'm gay.'

Monuments

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

"That's my dad back when he was, like, militarized."

Veterans Day '20

Old veteran walking in sun casting a giant shadow as a young soldier

Tattoos sagging with time

Veterans Day US

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'Walter isn't truly happy unless he's bombing some country.'

Fridge Magnets/Military Medals

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

'Son...old soldiers don't die...they just get medal fatigue.'

'This one is for keeping all the other ones so neatly arranged.'

The Grim map of Iraq.

"So, Gilbert was your friend who fought in Vietnam?"

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

'I had a good day. Raised everybody's blood pressure.'

'I'm going to love having me in Haiti.'

"He was just a year away from retirement."

'Not now Kato!'

'These days,' she says, 'nothing gets a rise out of him.'

What Veterans Day Means 2019 Version

"Just because you're retired doesn't mean you get to sit around all day drinking beer and eating peanuts...!"

'And this one I got for the improvements I made in camouflage.'

"In recognition of your long service, we'd like you to have this clock you've had your eye on since you walked in here all those years ago."