Retired Soldier Gifts

"Keep digging! You're no longer part of the warrior culture."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Your brow is definitely more furrowed than it used to be!"

"The president is awarding the Medal of Honor to 24 Army veterans...whose heroism and gallantry were overlooked because of their race or ethnicity."

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

Old veteran walking in sun casting a giant shadow as a young soldier

Tattoos sagging with time

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

"Seriously, fellas, I can't get up."

'This is as close to a round up I'll ever get.'

Monument To The General/Soldier Monument

'Well, I've stopped racing professionally you see, so I can enjoy good food at long last...'

"I once loved a parade."

'Being a Drill Sergeant isn't s tough - all you got to know is how to count to four.'

"I'm sure he was a great blocker when he was playing, but I doubt he'll be a great ad blocker."

'I could have sworn I put the Waterloo battle plan in here.'

"It's my draft notice. I need to report for duty June 4, 1965."

Rugby golden oldies.

"I used to be a racer: Giving people joy-rides is really really boring..."

Bumper Stickers for Seniors.

"You could say I'm a war veteran. I'm a retired junior high teacher."

Old Man Boot Camp: 'Hoist those trousers up higher...'

"He's auditioning for a part in 'Conan The Octagenarian'."

"If exercise is so good for you, how come athletes retire at 35?"

(Retired) Jockeying for position.

Old man dusting bodybuilding trophies.

"This is the brother I told you guys about."

"How long has it been now, Mary, since I've been off the charts?"

"So, what did you used to do?"

'The golden parachutes are all gone. You'll have to settle for a golden lifejacket.'