Retired Army Officer Gifts

"I think we should leave Europe then retake it by force."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

'This one's for marrying him, and this one's for raising the kids.'

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

Decorated officer - 'And these are for keeping my pants up.'

"Hey, dad. We wanna play army before we go to bed. Can we have our toy medals back?"

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

'Any wilderness skills besides making smores?'

'You can come down a peg. Mesopotamia gave the world bureaucracy, you know.'

'At ease, soldier.'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

Family Salutes as Father Comes Home.

Happy Retirement

"I'm returning home triumphant - do you need me to pick anything up?"

Old veteran walking in sun casting a giant shadow as a young soldier

Tattoos sagging with time

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

'You know the rules, private - no pets!'

'Does my bum look big in this?'

'Walter isn't truly happy unless he's bombing some country.'

"Did you call for a Medic?"

A Rifle Competition in the North

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

"I'm retired now - since I sold my 'know when you're naughty or nice' technology to NSA last year."

Army Leader: 'We have ways of making you Torque.'

"Tell me when it's all cyber warfare, and I'll enlist!"

"Me? A retired canine officer. They let me go when they found out I couldn't smell fear any more."

Leaders must focus on strategic planning and desired results."

'It's been five years since leaving Iraq and I'm still getting the sand out my ears.'

Battleship Bingo Night.

At a Country House

'I had a good day. Raised everybody's blood pressure.'

Bomb disposal officer sits at desk near workboxes: IN/ ERT.

'With your permission sir... checkmate.'