Retired Army General Gifts

"Neil, here, is a retired Army general who has been on Ted Koppel a lot recently, shooting his mouth off."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"Hey, dad. We wanna play army before we go to bed. Can we have our toy medals back?"

'How do you like my fantasy weekend so far?'

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

'I think they're up to something.'

"Now there's a weapon of mass destruction."

'Well, he's always been a hero to me.'

"World War III? Hmm. O.K., but, remember, nobody gets hurt."

"Hack back with all you've got!"

Honor Our Future Sacrifices

Old veteran walking in sun casting a giant shadow as a young soldier

Tattoos sagging with time

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

'You must have misunderstood, dear -- I'm sure they don't sell old generals at government auctions!'

"We're making the World a safer place for nuclear explosions."

"Ahh, shade."

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

"Uh...I wonder if this is still a good idea."

Actualities - The European Equilibrium

Tank driver wielding a slingshot.

"Me? A retired canine officer. They let me go when they found out I couldn't smell fear any more."

"Sure, you're a dictator, son, but Muriel's boy is an absolute dictator."

"If we don't comply, they're threatening us with liberation."

'War!... What's it good for?'

Military history

"Today U.S. Defense Industry stocks rose on news Dick Cheney endorsed Donald Trump."

Battleship Bingo Night.

'I wish you didn't have to bring your work home with you.'

"Hon, where's the butter?"

General's Coin Toss

"And this one is for being faithful to my wife."

'I could have sworn I put the Waterloo battle plan in here.'

"Don't you think after thirty years of marriage you could stop referring to me as 'the military'?"