Retired Police Officer Gifts

"After 30 years on the police force, Beth and I decided to open this B&B. You want to keep your hands where I can see them and empty your pockets?"

"Me? A retired canine officer. They let me go when they found out I couldn't smell fear any more."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Police Feline Unit

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Steep Hill, Slippery When Wet, Watch for Cars Going Faster Than You.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

hard-boiled egg...

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

A Hard Look At Hard Looks

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Now that's a win."

Trump secret police