Retired Police Officer Pillows

"After 30 years on the police force, Beth and I decided to open this B&B. You want to keep your hands where I can see them and empty your pockets?"

"Me? A retired canine officer. They let me go when they found out I couldn't smell fear any more."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Police Feline Unit

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

Steep Hill, Slippery When Wet, Watch for Cars Going Faster Than You.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

hard-boiled egg...

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

"Now that's a win."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"I feel like bad guys aren't as scared of me in the summer."

'What's wrong with those Europeans? We have more murders in this city than England, France Germany and Spain combined.'

Trump secret police