Police Officer Gifts

"He passed the sobriety test. Now I think he's just showing off."

"I'm starting to really like the smell of cocaine."

P C Plod "Hello Mr. Differently coloured, yet equally valid doll"

"That's an old photo."

"He's long gone, sheriff - you'll never catch him."

"He misspoke, I misheard, then shots rang out."

"Was the coroner able to establish the cause of death constable?"

'Does your dog bite?' 'Oh, please, please, please, boss, let me handle this one!'

"Any clues?"

'I don't know officer: They all look alike to me...'

"Alright, who's the ringleader?"

"Licence and registration please"

"So the goverments intent of stamping out rural crime.."

"The test calls for a pirouette, sir. Arabesques don't really tell us enough."

"You have the right to remain silent, you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have the right to be here. And, whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

'I collided with this stationary truck coming the other way!'

Block Closed for Gritty, Hard-Edged Tale

Sunbathing Police Officer

"Sorry Ma'am, but forensics seem to indicate your husband has 'Gone Fishing'..."

His master's vice - heroin!

"I'd say old school crime. None of your high tech methods here."

"Does your car have any idea why my car pulled it over?"

'And what if I did doctor the documents? I'm a doctor.'

"I'm neither a good cop nor a bad cop, Jerome. Like yourself, I'm a complex amalgam of positive and negative personality traits that emerge or not, depending on circumstances."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

All natural herbs - vitamins - supplements. 'Looks like he died of natural causes.'

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

'I was sending an email to a client from my laptop when I spilled the coffee I was drinking, wihile I was on my cell phone, so you see, officer, it wasn't my fault.'

"Look at this: Acupuncture, aromatherapy, herbal tea. We could be dealing with a homoeopathic killer."

"We're borrowing the best features of the Canadian system."

Man selling Security Systems: 'If that's too expensive for you, perhaps I could interest you in a false sense of security.'

"Brilliant mathematician. Teaching second grade. Dies suddenly from no apparent cause. Something just doesn't add up."

'Actually, I wanted you to touch your own nose.'

"Did he have any known enemies?"

'I'll be supervising you...'