Law Enforcement Officer Gifts

"I'm sorry, sir, but Dostoyevsky is not considered summer reading. I'll have to ask you to come with me."

'Does your dog bite?' 'Oh, please, please, please, boss, let me handle this one!'

"I take it this is your first day as a scene of crimes officer?"

"Surveillance camera 743 shows you disabling surveillance camera 742."

When Engineers Crack.

'All they took was my snowblower.'

'Stopped a shoplifter today. Caught him red-handed.'

'I'm writing you a ticket because your belt isn't buckled.'

'Hello, Mr. Thomas! We noticed you've recently been mugged! Hey, there's no better time than now to consider purchasing our identity theft protection insurance!...'

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

Driverless cars were presenting new policing challenges...

'Excuse me, Officer. But I believe the ban is on hand-held cell phones.'

"We have ways of making you talk."

Perpetrator of a daring daylight illegal electronic transfer of funds fleeing the scene of the crime.

'Though you didn't actually attack the victim, your endlessly droning on about technical stuff did bore him to death.'

'Before you get upset - maybe he's selling tickets for something.'

Knife Crime Data Collection - 'How many people have you stabbed this week?'

'Faster than the average professional athlete goes bankrupt.'

'Right son...you're knicked!'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"In all of my years investigating digital crime,this is the worst case of identity theft I've ever encountered!"

'When asked to show some identification,the policemen produced their badgers.'

'Twenty-two circus clowns without seatbelts. Well, I just made my quota for the month!'

"Don't worry, boss—we whacked your skis."

"I don't need to write it down, boss, I'm wearing a wire."

Noah the neighbor

"'Alleged,' please, 'alleged.'"

"You're under arrest for consumer Freud."

Catching him was easy. Capturing the man behind the crime proved more difficult.

'I pulled you over because you were driving suspiciously.'

'I don't make the rules, sir. I'm just grateful for those who do.'

'I'm not writing him out a ticket...you do it!'

'There! That should make sure they don't do it again.'

"Do you know where your registered sex offenders are living?"

School Recycling Area