Personnel Officer Gifts

'For some strange reason personnel want us to review our equal opportunities employment policies!'

'In five year's time?... I see myself on that side of the desk telling you it's a great shame, thanks for all your hard work, but I'm going to have to let you go!'

Goldilocks Human Resources...Over qualified...Under qualified...Just right!

'Hiring is alright but for a real kick you can't beat firing.'

'We are fully committed to stamping out sexism so we really want you to see yourself as one of the chaps.'

'You'll be on a leash for the first six months.'

"Any other skills besides having the ability to look busy?"

Personnel

According to our aptitude tests, you are best suited for retirement.

Labour Force Survey Shows Increase in Part Time Working.

'Do you have any other references besides Mr. Boo Boo?'

"I'm afraid you tested positive for catnip"

"You're eminently qualified for the job, but our diversity policy calls for a yes-woman in this position,"

"How do you feel about doing time?"

'You say you have people skills yet you have only two Facebook friends. I find that troubling.'

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'

"Believe me, Mr. Roberts, checking the wear on a job applicant's molars is just basic company routine."

'You cal it loyalty, we call it Stockholm Syndrome!'

'We have a faith-based pension plan... You just have to pray it will still be there when you retire.'

"I wouldn't have any trouble staying awake. I just came out of hibernation."

"John and Sidney work in human relations."

"Your standardized test scores are impressive, but we have no standardized jobs."

And if you skip coffee breaks you can retire five years earlier.

The good, the bad & the ugly.

'Is that ACME recruitment... The software designer you sent me needs his mummy.'

Personnel Manager to beaver: 'Yes, we did advertise for someone eager.'

"I liked the one that saluted."

"Well, how could I have known things would backfire when I hired a team of lovable misfits?"

'There are some subjects that are off limits...CEO bonuses...Overtime pay...Business ethics...'

PERSONNEL, 'Our retirement plan is that we try to get you Swedish citizenship.'

'Charles, we hired you distinctly because you're a people person.'

If this were up to me . . .

"I see by your résumé that you're feral. I guess that rules out a cubicle job."

'I don't have any friends.' - 'You've fired them all.'

'I don't know where to put her,Johnson has a dicky ticker,Harris has a...'