Personnel Officer Gifts

'For some strange reason personnel want us to review our equal opportunities employment policies!'

'In five year's time?... I see myself on that side of the desk telling you it's a great shame, thanks for all your hard work, but I'm going to have to let you go!'

'Hiring is alright but for a real kick you can't beat firing.'

Goldilocks Human Resources...Over qualified...Under qualified...Just right!

"Any other skills besides having the ability to look busy?"

'You'll be on a leash for the first six months.'

'We are fully committed to stamping out sexism so we really want you to see yourself as one of the chaps.'

"You're eminently qualified for the job, but our diversity policy calls for a yes-woman in this position,"

According to our aptitude tests, you are best suited for retirement.

"I'm afraid you tested positive for catnip"

Labour Force Survey Shows Increase in Part Time Working.

"How do you feel about doing time?"

'Do you have any other references besides Mr. Boo Boo?'

'You say you have people skills yet you have only two Facebook friends. I find that troubling.'

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'

"Believe me, Mr. Roberts, checking the wear on a job applicant's molars is just basic company routine."

Personnel

Personnel Manager to beaver: 'Yes, we did advertise for someone eager.'

"I liked the one that saluted."

"Well, how could I have known things would backfire when I hired a team of lovable misfits?"

PERSONNEL, 'Our retirement plan is that we try to get you Swedish citizenship.'

'You cal it loyalty, we call it Stockholm Syndrome!'

If this were up to me . . .

'Charles, we hired you distinctly because you're a people person.'

'There are some subjects that are off limits...CEO bonuses...Overtime pay...Business ethics...'

"I wouldn't have any trouble staying awake. I just came out of hibernation."

'We have a faith-based pension plan... You just have to pray it will still be there when you retire.'

"John and Sidney work in human relations."

'Is that ACME recruitment... The software designer you sent me needs his mummy.'

"Your standardized test scores are impressive, but we have no standardized jobs."

And if you skip coffee breaks you can retire five years earlier.

The good, the bad & the ugly.

InOut, Resumes in the bin.

'I don't have any friends.' - 'You've fired them all.'

'I don't know where to put her,Johnson has a dicky ticker,Harris has a...'