Personnel Officers Gifts

"HR have asked for figures demonstrating our commitment to diversity."

'What's your threshold of pain when it comes to salary and benefits?'

"And I suppose my greatest feature is that I don't mind kissing a little booty to get ahead!"

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

Hate Platforms

The Anti-Agent

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Police Feline Unit

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

America, are we learning anything?

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

Nelson Mandela in despair over the crime rates in SA.

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

Steep Hill, Slippery When Wet, Watch for Cars Going Faster Than You.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

hard-boiled egg...

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

Servicemen.

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

Swiss army hospital...'scalpel...'

"This is probably not the time to admit I only joined the force because I figured we'd just be chasing cat burglars."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

Timmy had one heck of a security blanket.

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Fifteen